The end of nursing is at hand

I decided a couple of months ago that when I ran out of this batch of herbal supplements that I wouldn't buy any more. I figured that my milk supply would go down, but she would be almost a year old and so that would be ok.

A couple of weeks ago, I hit the point where almost all the supplements ran out at once. I learned that they really had been helping my milk supply. A lot. Once I stopped them, my supply rapidly went down to almost nothing. I stopped pumping at work because it seemed like way too much effort for very little return. That caused my supply to go down even further.

As it stands now, I'm still nursing with the lact-aid at night when putting S to bed. I nurse her in the morning before I leave for work. I don't think she gets much milk (if I had to guess, I'd say an ounce a session or less), but she still seems to enjoy a brief cuddle and nurse before heading off to do baby things.

Mostly, I feel good about it. I made it to a year (tomorrow!) nursing with very low milk supply. S got exclusively breast milk for several months and has had at least some milk every day for a year. We've done the best we could. I also feel good about it simply because I think about it less. Every time I don't nurse or pump is a time when I don't have to feel like a failure because I don't produce enough milk. Every bite of solid food that she eats is a success because it's less formula she's going to drink. I think with enough time, I'll get over the heartbreak of not being able to fully breastfeed. However, I'm not there yet. When I was pregnant, I just assumed that I'd be able to breastfeed. I mean, after all, isn't that what breasts are designed to do? When I wasn't able to, it was like that dream died. And like any death, it takes a while to fully work through it and complete the mourning process. A big part of me will be glad when we're done with breast- and bottle-feeding entirely. I think in a year, when she's eating solid food full time, I'll probably have put the whole thing to rest. But I'm not there yet.

She's turning into a real person!

Things that Sterling does now that are like a real person:

• She started pointing at things. Today. It's so weird that one day she doesn't do something and the next day, she does.
• She signs "milk" and "potty" and occasionally actually does want what she's signing. 
• She just learned the "bathtime" sign and uses it when she's in the bathtub. Yesterday, she was sitting on the potty and looked at the tub and signed "bathtime".
• She can stand on her own. Not for long, and not very often, but she can do it.
• She can walk down the hall if you hold her hands.
• She gained over a pound in 10 days. Can we say "growth spurt"?
• Mike says she pointed at the dog and said "woo, woo, woo" today.
• She can open and shut the dishwasher, and occasionally does so on command.
• When she was in the bath tub tonight, Mike told her "give the shark to Mama" and she did.
• She helps unload the washer and hands individual diapers to me to put in the dryer.
• She loves to open and shut doors.
• She can drink through a straw.
• She puts things into other things. And takes them out. And puts them in. And takes them out.